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U No U R (yoU kNow yoU aRe)
A Computer/Internet Addict When...

U-NO-U-R            Linux

    1. You refer to going to the bathroom as "downloading".
    2. Your favorite bookmarks take 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
    3. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in them.
    4. Your day dreaming is resumed to getting a faster Internet connection: Cable, DSL, T1, T3...
    5. You turn off your modem with an awful empty feeling... like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
    6. You think in bps rather than mph when you hear or read about "speed".
    7. You start introducing yourself as "Jim B at WhyNet dot com".
    8. You begin every conversation with "I have read on the net that...".
    9. You replace your answering machine outgoing message with: "Please leave your e-mail, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible".
    10. You try to enter your online password on your microwave keypad.
    11. You believe the proper way to smile is tilting your head sideways... :-)
    12. You figured out the cheapest way to shop: ordering from the Internet.
    13. You forget how to use real money because you are using your credit card every day for online purchases.
    14. You consider that 3-4 days ground mail delivery is way too slow, so you always select the "overnight" option.
    15. Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new web site address in print or on TV.
    16. You step out of your room, realize your loved ones moved out and you don't have a clue when that happened.
    17. You turn on the intercom whenever leaving your room so you can hear when you get new e-mail.
    18. All your friends have an "@" or "#" in their names.
    19. When looking at a page full of someone else's links they are already all highlighted in purple.
    20. Your favorite pet has its own web site, and so does your 3 months old baby.
    21. You cannot stay in touch with your family because they do not have e-mail.
    22. You cannot call your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
    23. You check your e-mail. It says "No new messages". So you check it again... and again...
    24. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
    25. You code your work assignment in HTML and give your boss the URL.
    26. You don't know the sex of your 3 best friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you've never asked.
    27. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilable differences of opinion arguing over which is better... Windows or Linux.
    28. You know the entire layout of most computing show rooms but you are unable to give anyone directions in your own home town.
    29. You name your pets using initials and acronyms.
    30. You wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on your way back to bed.
    31. You tell your kids they can't use the computer because "daddy's got work to do" but you don't even have a job.
    32. You have more toys than all your kids put together.
    33. You buy a "Captain Kirk" chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
    34. You get a body tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Firefox".
    35. You never have to deal with busy signals when dialing your ISP because you never log off.
    36. You ask the plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet seat.
    37. You need 3 fans just to cool your phone line.
    38. You list all your ISP/ICQ/IRC user IDs as nicknames on your resume.
    39. You send an AOL trial membership as birthday gift to your friend who just moved out of state.
    40. You look for a "Shut down" screen menu to turn off your TV.
    41. You pick up the phone to talk to your mom and all you hear is static-like, crackling sounds.
    42. You got a second phone line and then you tell your friends to call your "voice mail" number.
    43. You call the AOL 800 number to ask for another promo floppy and use it to backup your "vital downloads".
    44. You always thought the term "CD" meant solely "Compact Disc".
    45. You order your pizza at
    46. You program your computer to call your pager when new e-mail arrives.
    47. You log on to to read the definition of every new term.
    48. You order "computer specific" eyeglasses.
    49. You haven't found a tech support representative who can answer any of your computing related questions.
    50. You stay on the Internet long enough to have your ISP offer you a corporate account.
    51. You have memorized all your favorite computer store phone numbers.
    52. Your IQ number is larger than your weight.
    53. Your wristwatch has more buttons than your telephone.
    54. You keep asking yourself why they never let you choose the music at dancing parties.
    55. You try to pick up a girl at the bar by asking for her e-mail address.
    56. Your pickup line ends with "can we meet again... online?"
    57. The last girl you picked up was a JPEG.
    58. You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
    59. You are convinced web surfing is better than sex.
    60. You buy your fiancee's engagement ring online.
    61. You have "met" your wife online.
    62. Your wife (for the 99th time): "Are you coming to bed tonight?"
      You: "Just a minute honey, I gotta finish downloading this last file."
    63. Your wife draped a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
    64. Your wife has to send you e-mail to call you to dinner.
    65. Your return home with a bunch of mouse pads when your wife asks you to buy minipads.
    66. You remember all your Internet passwords but not your wife's birthday.
    67. Your wife sounds like the AOL voice reminding you that "You've got mail!".
    68. You never miss an online chat appointment.
    69. You keep a busy schedule:
          1:00pm = check e-mail
          2:00pm = business meeting downtown
          3:00pm = check e-mail
          4:00pm = call mom
          5:00pm = check e-mail
          6:00pm = pick up Jimmy Jr. from karate school
          7:00pm = check e-mail
          8:00pm = get the groceries
          9:00pm = check e-mail...
    70. Your motto is "If you can't find it on the Net it doesn't exist!"
    71. Your favorite t-shirt says "Once a Netizen, 4 ever a Netizen!"
    72. Your favorite cigarettes are Koolnet.
    73. Your favorite morning paper section is "Computing Ads".
    74. Your favorite TV show is "Internet News".
    75. Your favorite movie is "The Net".
    76. Your favorite restaurant is the closest cyber-cafe.
    77. Your favorite expression is BTW (By The Way).
    78. Your favorite famous person is Bill Gates.
    79. Your favorite cartoon character is "Jimmy The Nerd".
    80. Your favorite magazine is "Net Surfer".
    81. Wikipedia is your bible.
    82. You created a new home page to tell the world that "I'm a computing professional and hold a junior position at the University of The North Pole, the computing research department".
    83. You hate Microsoft.
    84. You are a Mozilla (Firefox) fan.
    85. Your computer keeps crashing... and crashing... but you still insist on testing every new beta software ever written.
    86. You consider that the "Blue Screen Of Death" (BSOD) is the worst tragedy human kind ever experienced.
    87. You finally figured out the ultimate in courtesy greeting: the "three-finger-salute" (Ctrl-Alt-Del).
    88. Online privacy is your main concern.
    89. You send flaming e-mail to everybody who "tortures" your favorite cartoon character at their web site(s).
    90. The hair on your back stands up whenever you read/hear "This new technology will boost Internet speed".
    91. You consider that someone who doesn't have an ICQ ID is not a normal person.
    92. Your monitor is covered with zillion sticky notes with all your online passwords.
    93. You keep having this weird dream that you are strapped on to your toilet seat, eat and drink through a permanent intravenous catheter, and surf the net, all at the same time.
    94. You donate all your underwear to Goodwill 'cause you need the drawers for storing disks of downloaded files.
    95. You keep finding stray diskettes in the pockets when you wash your clothes.
    96. You gotta have that new computer based in-house alarm system you've seen advertised on the net.
    97. Your living room main spot is taken by your computer "corner".
    98. You use your computer to update your monthly checkbook and credit cards balance.
    99. You do your taxes online.
    100. You do all your research on the Internet.
    101. You ask your cable company to send you the online version of the TV schedule.
    102. You look for a phonebook with an e-mail address dedicated column.
    103. You have replaced Microsoft Notepad with your web browser.
    104. You think that everybody who doesn't know the meaning of CPU, BIOS, RAM or WWW is an ignorant.
    105. You actually know the purpose of all your miniature screw drivers.
    106. You really hate people with the lastest computer hardware/software.
    107. You paid more for your laptop than you did for your car.
    108. You must bring over your "trusty" laptop, even if going camping.
    109. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your car tires.
    110. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
    111. You type your IP address on your driver's license application.
    112. You send your new home site URL to all your friends and family and ask them to make it their browser default home page.
    113. You start signing all your holiday cards by adding ":-)" next to your name.
    114. You were part of the first line at your local computer store to get Windows 95 the day it was released.
    115. You hate web sites that don't have a "talk-back button".
    116. The coolest thing you've ever seen is a Java applet.
    117. You are still on the look for the coolest animated GIF to plaster all over your home page.
    118. You can't sleep until your home page gets the "Cool Web Site of The Week" award.
    119. You are the newly elected president of the "Web Designers' Club".
    120. You are a senior member of every "Virtual Society".
    121. You have to subscribe to every new "Internet Comunity".
    122. You reserve more free web space for your "expanding" home site.
    123. Your coffee mug reads "You're looking at a net work-o-holic, baby".
    124. You stop buying the newspaper and start reading the news at
    125. You never miss your favorite web browser latest upgrade release.
    126. You praise Stay Connected as the best software ever written.
    127. You see yourself as an experienced computer/Internet user.
    128. You are considered the "resident computer expert" by all your friends, neighbors and coworkers.
    129. You send your home site URL to all popular web search engines once a month.
    130. You think all web sites with "Under construction" signs are lousy.
    131. You wake up every morning wondering if you replied to all your e-mail before you went to bed.
    132. You keep a flashlite next to your computer so you can check your e-mail/surf in the middle of the nite without turning on the lites.
    133. You actually surf all 740,173 hits Google returns in response to your search.
    134. You spend all afternoon reading your browser's Cache 'cause your ISP is down.
    135. You download MP3s of songs you always hated.
    136. You are talking on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to at the same time.
    137. You always think of checking your e-mail during TV commercials.
    138. You can never watch an entire TV show without having your computer scream "You've got mail!".
    139. You catch yourself saying LOL, BRB, OMG...
    140. You "ping" your friends' computers to see if they are awake and "finger" them to find out how they are.
    141. Your CC: list is longer than the actual content of your e-mail message.
    142. You're getting hungry... but "Wait... [you think] this pizza is only 3 days old... I won't have to leave my computer yet!"
    143. You always ask for the closest seat to a phone line jack when you book a plane ticket.
    144. When asked what you did for fun on your Tahiti cruise, you answer "Checking e-mail on my new laptop, hooked up to their cool satellite dish".
    145. You think your ergonomically designed computer chair is the most vital piece of furniture in your house.
    146. When your modem breaks, you dial your ISP and start negotiating with their modem, making weird noises using your voice.
    147. You start refering to open heart surgery as "patching".
    148. You were really surprised when you found out Spam is a food.
    149. You have never bought any "... for Dummies" books.
    150. You own most Internet related books ever published.
    151. You refuse to delete programs from your hard drive you haven't used in at least 5 years.
    152. You visit the grocery store to overclock the cash registers.
    153. You brag about your new computer to all your friends calling it "my new baby".
    154. You start confusing cyber-space with outer-space.
    155. The line between your real life and your cyber life becomes blurrier and blurrier.
    156. You start talking to your computer as you would to your favorite pet.
    157. You are proud when people call you a "computer geek".
    158. You actually understood all these computing related jokes.
    159. You have read this entire page and you think it's funnier than David Letterman's "Top Ten Signs You're Spending Too Much Time on AOL".
    160. You keep repeating to yourself "I am NOT a computer/internet addict, I am NOT a computer/internet addict..."
    161. You know you are a computer/internet addict when... you send me your own "funny lines". ;)

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