U No U R (yoU kNow
A Computer/Internet Addict When...
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- You refer to going to the bathroom as "downloading".
favorite bookmarks take 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
- Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in them.
- Your day dreaming is resumed to getting a faster Internet connection: Cable, DSL, T1, T3...
- You turn off your
modem with an awful empty feeling... like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
- You think in bps rather than mph when you hear or read about "speed".
- You start introducing yourself as "Jim B at WhyNet dot com".
- You begin
every conversation with "I have read on the net that...".
- You replace your answering machine outgoing message with: "Please leave your e-mail, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible".
- You try to enter your online password
on your microwave keypad.
- You believe the proper way to smile is tilting your head sideways... :-)
- You figured out
the cheapest way to shop: ordering from the Internet.
- You forget how to use real money because you are using your credit card every day for online purchases.
- You consider that 3-4 days ground mail delivery is way too
slow, so you always select the "overnight" option.
- Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new web site address in print or on TV.
- You step out of your room, realize your loved ones moved out and
you don't have a clue when that happened.
- You turn on the intercom whenever leaving your room so you can hear when you get new e-mail.
- All your friends have an "@" or "#" in their names.
- When looking at a page full of
someone else's links they are already all highlighted in purple.
- Your favorite pet has its own web site, and so does your 3 months old baby.
- You cannot stay in touch with your family because they do not have e-mail.
cannot call your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
- You check your e-mail. It says "No new messages". So you check it again... and again...
- Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
- You code your work
assignment in HTML and give your boss the URL.
- You don't know the sex of your 3 best friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you've never asked.
- You have ended friendships because of irreconcilable differences of
opinion arguing over which is better... Windows or Linux.
- You know the entire layout of most computing show rooms but you are unable to give anyone directions in your own
- You name your pets using initials and acronyms.
- You wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
and stop to check your e-mail on your way back to bed.
- You tell your kids they can't use the computer because "daddy's got
work to do" but you don't even have a job.
- You have more toys than all your kids put together.
- You buy a "Captain Kirk"
chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
- You get a body tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Firefox".
never have to deal with busy signals when dialing your ISP because you never log off.
- You ask the plumber how much it
would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet seat.
- You need 3 fans just to cool your
- You list all your ISP/ICQ/IRC user IDs as nicknames on your resume.
- You send an AOL trial membership as
birthday gift to your friend who just moved out of state.
- You look for a "Shut down" screen menu to turn off your
- You pick up the phone to talk to your mom and all you hear is static-like, crackling sounds.
- You got a second phone
line and then you tell your friends to call your "voice mail" number.
- You call the AOL 800 number to ask for another promo
floppy and use it to backup your "vital downloads".
- You always thought the term "CD" meant solely "Compact Disc".
order your pizza at pizzahut.com.
- You program your computer to call your pager when new e-mail arrives.
- You log on to
wikipedia.org to read the definition of every new term.
- You order "computer specific" eyeglasses.
- You haven't found a
tech support representative who can answer any of your computing related questions.
- You stay on the Internet long enough
to have your ISP offer you a corporate account.
- You have memorized all your favorite computer store phone numbers.
IQ number is larger than your weight.
- Your wristwatch has more buttons than your telephone.
- You keep asking yourself
why they never let you choose the music at dancing parties.
- You try to pick up a girl at the bar by asking for her e-mail
- Your pickup line ends with "can we meet again... online?"
- The last girl you picked up was a JPEG.
- You kiss
your girlfriend's home page.
- You are convinced web surfing is better than sex.
- You buy your fiancee's engagement ring
- You have "met" your wife online.
- Your wife (for the 99th time): "Are you coming to bed tonight?"
a minute honey, I gotta finish downloading this last file."
- Your wife draped a blond wig over your monitor to remind you
of what she looks like.
- Your wife has to send you e-mail to call you to dinner.
- Your return home with a bunch of mouse
pads when your wife asks you to buy minipads.
- You remember all your Internet passwords but not your wife's
- Your wife sounds like the AOL voice reminding you that "You've got mail!".
- You never miss an online chat
- You keep a busy schedule:
1:00pm = check e-mail
= business meeting downtown
3:00pm = check e-mail
4:00pm = call
5:00pm = check e-mail
6:00pm = pick up Jimmy Jr. from karate
7:00pm = check e-mail
8:00pm = get the
9:00pm = check e-mail...
- Your motto is "If you can't find it on the Net it doesn't exist!"
- Your favorite t-shirt says "Once a
Netizen, 4 ever a Netizen!"
- Your favorite cigarettes are Koolnet.
- Your favorite morning paper section is "Computing Ads".
- Your favorite TV show is "Internet News".
- Your favorite movie is "The Net".
- Your favorite
restaurant is the closest cyber-cafe.
- Your favorite expression is BTW (By The Way).
- Your favorite famous person is Bill Gates.
- Your favorite cartoon character is "Jimmy The Nerd".
favorite magazine is "Net Surfer".
- Wikipedia is your bible.
- You created a new home page to tell the world that "I'm a
computing professional and hold a junior position at the University of The North Pole, the computing research
- You hate Microsoft.
- You are a Mozilla (Firefox) fan.
- Your computer keeps crashing... and crashing...
but you still insist on testing every new beta software ever written.
- You consider that the "Blue Screen Of Death" (BSOD)
is the worst tragedy human kind ever experienced.
- You finally figured out the ultimate in courtesy greeting: the
- Online privacy is your main concern.
- You send flaming e-mail to everybody who
"tortures" your favorite cartoon character at their web site(s).
- The hair on your back stands up whenever you read/hear
"This new technology will boost Internet speed".
- You consider that someone who doesn't have an ICQ ID is not a normal
- Your monitor is covered with zillion sticky notes with all your online passwords.
- You keep having this weird
dream that you are strapped on to your toilet
seat, eat and drink through a permanent intravenous catheter,
and surf the net, all at the same time.
- You donate all your underwear to Goodwill 'cause you need the drawers for storing disks of downloaded files.
- You keep finding stray diskettes
in the pockets when you wash your clothes.
- You gotta have that new computer based in-house alarm system you've seen advertised on the net.
- Your living room main spot is taken by your computer
- You use your computer to update your monthly checkbook and credit cards balance.
- You do your taxes online.
- You do all your research on the Internet.
- You ask your cable company
to send you the online version of the TV schedule.
- You look for a phonebook with an e-mail address dedicated column.
- You have replaced Microsoft Notepad with your web browser.
- You think
that everybody who doesn't know the meaning of CPU, BIOS, RAM or WWW is an ignorant.
- You actually know the purpose of all your miniature
- You really hate people with the lastest computer hardware/software.
- You paid more for your laptop than
you did for your car.
- You must bring over your "trusty" laptop, even if going camping.
- You rotate your screen savers
more frequently than your car tires.
- You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
- You type your IP
address on your driver's license application.
- You send your new home site URL to all your friends and family and ask them
to make it their browser default home page.
- You start signing all your holiday cards by adding ":-)"
next to your name.
- You were part of the first line at your local computer store to get Windows 95 the day it was released.
- You hate
web sites that don't have a "talk-back button".
- The coolest thing you've ever seen is a Java applet.
- You are still on
the look for the coolest animated GIF to plaster all over your home page.
- You can't sleep until your home page gets the
"Cool Web Site of The Week" award.
- You are the newly elected president of the "Web Designers' Club".
- You are a senior
member of every "Virtual Society".
- You have to subscribe to every new "Internet Comunity".
- You reserve more free web
space for your "expanding" home site.
- Your coffee mug reads "You're looking at a net work-o-holic, baby".
- You stop
buying the newspaper and start reading the news at www.cnn.com.
- You never miss your favorite web browser latest upgrade
- You praise Stay Connected as the best software ever written.
- You see yourself as an experienced
- You are considered the "resident computer expert" by all your friends, neighbors and
- You send your home site URL to all popular web search engines once a month.
- You think all web sites with
"Under construction" signs are lousy.
- You wake up every morning wondering if you replied to all your e-mail before you
went to bed.
- You keep a flashlite next to your computer so you can check your e-mail/surf in the middle of the nite
without turning on the lites.
- You actually surf all 740,173 hits Google returns in response to your search.
- You spend
all afternoon reading your browser's Cache 'cause your ISP is down.
- You download MP3s of songs you always hated.
are talking on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to at the same time.
- You always think of
checking your e-mail during TV commercials.
- You can never watch an entire TV show without having your computer scream
"You've got mail!".
- You catch yourself saying LOL, BRB, OMG...
- You "ping" your friends' computers to see if they are
awake and "finger" them to find out how they are.
- Your CC: list is longer than the actual content of your e-mail
- You're getting hungry... but "Wait... [you think] this pizza is only 3 days old... I won't have to leave my
- You always ask for the closest seat to a phone line jack when you book a plane ticket.
- When asked what
you did for fun on your Tahiti cruise, you answer "Checking e-mail on my new laptop, hooked up to their cool satellite
- You think your ergonomically designed computer chair is the most vital
piece of furniture in your house.
- When your modem breaks, you dial your ISP and start negotiating with their modem, making
weird noises using your voice.
- You start refering to open heart surgery as "patching".
- You were really surprised when
you found out Spam is a food.
- You have never bought any "... for Dummies" books.
- You own most Internet related books
- You refuse to delete programs from your hard drive you haven't used in at least 5 years.
- You visit
the grocery store to overclock the cash registers.
- You brag about your new computer to all your friends calling it "my new
- You start confusing cyber-space with outer-space.
- The line between your real life and your cyber life becomes
blurrier and blurrier.
- You start talking to your computer as you would to your favorite pet.
- You are proud when people
call you a "computer geek".
- You actually understood all these computing related jokes.
- You have read this entire page and you think it's funnier than David Letterman's "Top Ten Signs You're Spending Too Much Time on AOL".
- You keep repeating to yourself "I am NOT a computer/internet addict, I am NOT a computer/internet
- You know you
are a computer/internet addict when... you send me your own "funny lines".