Za Zilly Z Page

... Or ze art of puzhing za 'Z' to za MAX... [Pretty zilly, izn't it?]
... Ozerwize called "The Silly 'Z' Page" for zoze who haven't heard yet... [What?... Where have you been zpending za pazt few dayz, at za Norz Pole or zomezing?!] of ziz new breed of "Zilly Zpelling". :-)

I alzo need to make one zing very clear: za 'Z' key iz NOT ztuck on my keyboard, and NO, I didn't fall azleep (duuh!) wiz my head againzt za keyboard eizer, if zat'z what you were zinking!

... You might be wondering by now... what za heck iz gone wrong wiz ziz fella?!...
Za zcoop iz zat I figured out my Home Zite was [Oopz... tiny zilly miztake zere, let me correct zat PRONTO: "waz". Now we can go back to za izzue at hand.] waz kinda boring, zo I dezided to zpice it up a (Mega) bit or two.
... Or zomezing like a good ol' friend uzed to zay: "What, only work and no fun?" [Geez, no "z"-ez in ziz entire phraze, zat'z a zacrilege!]
Undoubtedly our motto HAD to be: "Down wiz all zoze pezky little 's'-ez, long live the Mighty 'Z'!"
'Cauze zey oughtta put a lot of "z"-ez in every zpoken word, zo we can communicate properly [Do U feel zome kinda draft in here?]

... Oh yeah, and by za way, excuze za (de)faulty zpelling... NOT!
Now zat we cleared zat one up [or down, or anywhere elze you like], you'll have to let me quote ziz cool poem zent in by ziz great guy [he'z too modezt, but he really haz zome talent for ziz ztuff].
Oh, I'm zorry, you don't know him yet, he HAD to be appointed az ZA Jr. Vyze Prezzident of Za "Zilly Zpelling Corp.", for hiz tremendouz life-time achievementz in 'Z' Language, and we juzt recommended him for za Nobel Prize. [Finally, one word zat IZ zpelled right!] Good job, Ojatex!

Hope you guyz out zere will get to like hiz "Rhythm & Rhyme" az much az I did. And only IF you like it, you might want to try hiz cool Money Tips Home Page, but you may do zat ONLY AFTER you're done reading HERE... [and zat'z not funny, OK !?]

Here goez za promized "Silly Ode"... a revoluzionary "formula" of unique "Z Poetry": [have fun!]

<<
Subj: Oh say can you Zee
From: Ojatex
To: AXCEL216
Download: Stuck KeyZ...

Broken S

Broke my S
{Silly Odes in Many Modes}

It's my best guess
That Axcel broke his S.
Now all you will see
Is the letter Z.
'Cause you know very well
That he knows how to spell.
Will this become the rage
On every web page?
Your Spell-checker will choke
On this maverick key stroke.
Just download the attached
It's a present that I've patched
from discarded Macs.
So now you know the facts!
It's time to go forward
With this recycled keyboard.
Well it's a certain bet
That Axcel will come to regret
Praising my poems so dumb
He will sure grow very glum.
'Cause I got a million you see
That will soon drive him craZy!

Regards, Ojatex
>>

... And now, back by popular demand (population iz 1, and rizing...), onze again, Za Great Ojatex: "Silly 'Z' Part Deux!?":

<<
Subj: Browser Blues
From: Ojatex
To: AXCEL216

Hi Axcel216,

Your joke with the letter Z
Is what engendered my poetry.
I liked it very much
It gives your page a touch
Of whimsy that we strive
To keep our funny bone alive.
It is a certain guess
There's no poems for the IRS.
So now there's something new
Axcel has fallen for the U.
He's abandoned Y and O
How far will this joke go?
Watch out dear alphabet
Axcel is not thru yet!

Rock on. Ojatex
>>

... Zree'z alwayz a charm, zo here it iz... at lazt (but I'm afraid you haven't zeen za lazt of zeeze...): Ojatex'z hotezt (out of ze oven I mean) "Balade in Z Major":

<<
Subj: Z Page is a Rage
From: Ojatex
To: AXCEL216

Z Page Rage

LOL to the 10th Power

The Z page I adore
A 10 is its score
I can't take no more
Just laughed 'til I'm sore.
Like Eastwood would say:
It makes my day.
It's perfect this way
Like a hit play.
My poem will not rust
& mold into dust.
I'm so proud I could bust.
In Axcel we trust.

Cordially, Ojatex...
A million thanks
for your pranks.
>>

... You know what?... Our newly elected Jr. CEO, Zir Ojatex, jumpz up really fazt in our zuccezzful Zilly Zpelling Corp. hierarchy corporate ladder, and I zuzpect him of trying to take my place already (don't you?).
Zo lizten to ziz one, folkz: "Up on The 'Z' Ladder", by yourz truly, Ojatex:

<<
Subj: California Plague
From: Ojatex
To: AXCEL216

Screaming

California Schemin'
The rest of us are screamin'

The Z-Page I tried to see
But it happened again to me.
Every night at almost nine
California goes Online.
With their Pentiums on fire
They knock us off the wire.
Now this is no funny joke
We're just poor rural folk.
It goes on all the time.
The other Forty Nine
Must sit in a slow burn
As Californians take their turn.
The Web they over-run
As they have their online fun.
With their Modems all ablaze
The Internet has gone acraze.
But we will get even yet
Cause it's an odds on bet
When their earthquakes come
Eastward they will run.
But the borders we will block
And start up our Winsock.
Fellow Surfers take this to heart
For what I now impart
In our united devotion
We will push them in the ocean.
They can keep their fancy cars
AOL is finally ours.

Regards, Ojatex
>>

... Za zun waz not up yet all za way ziz morning, and what do you zink? Our very own, Zir Ojatex, Jr. CEO of za mozt zuccezzful enterprize of our timez (I'm talking about "Za Zilly Zpelling Corp." of courze, in caze you didn't get za picture yet), wantz to demonztrate to all of you, prezent here, zat he iz really a truzful, devoted employee of our conztantly growing corporazion, and to prove it, he zent uz ziz poem, (and hiz poetry iz getting better and better every day), for everybody'z reading pleazure. Zo, hear ye, hear ye, Zir Ojatex haz za word (but you are NOT allowed to applauze): "The Devotion Personified":

<<
Subj: Corporate Ladder
From: Ojatex
To: AXCEL216

California Plague

A Palace Coup?
It Just Ain't True

Now that I'm a jr. CEO
There's a few things you should know.
A raise in pay I need
If I am to succeed.
Stock options would be Okay
'Cause the Z company is on its way
To making lots of dough
We're really on the go.
With Axcel as our boss
We'll never post a loss.
It's bucks we hold so dear
To Profit give a cheer.
It's Money that I love
To debt I give the shove.
More assets we will amass
Expenses are just trash.
There is one more request
So I can be my best.
It's the Treasurers job I desire
I will set the books on fire.
I will cook them 'til they're done
And then Control I've won.
Axcel can head title keep
But soon I'll make him weep
And this is no mistake
All the dough I'll surely take.
Embezzlement is my thing
It's makes this miser sing.
I love you dear old Money
You are my favourite honey.
Will Axcel soon go broke?
Dear surfer this is no joke!
Save him from the coot
And give Ojatex the boot.

Regards, Ojatex
P.S. Watch you Wallet!
>>

... Now, now, Mr. Ojatez, lookz like you're finally coming to your zenzez. It took a public note to get you back on za boat, huh?
... Zo you know who'z za bozz around here.
And now let'z zee your humble apology.
I'm in a good mood today, zo I guezz I'll ztill keep you around for a while, cuz you're zo handy wiz zoze verzez. But it'z time to let Zir Ojatex zpeak (while he'z ztill holding za dezired Jr. CEO pozition, but only till I'll find zomebody who really carez about za good of za company): "The Freshly Reformed, Almost Lost Son":

<<
Subj: House Cleaning
From: Ojatex
To: AXCEL216

Sunny

Pink Slips

Have you become aware
The Boss is on a tear?
There are some traitors about
And he will route them out.
Axcel has got our number
We better run for cover.
This Z stuff causes ripples
Not everyone it tickles.
It's time to mend our ways
We've wasted many days.
Our jobs are on the line
Our work is not so fine.
We've spent our time in play
Now the Piper we must pay.
Really I'm not just jokin'
The rules must not be broken.
The times are turning rough
Hang in there -it's getting tough.
And you wanted a promotion?
Ha! you're headed for demotion.
You'll soon be filing E-Mail
In Axcel's computer jail.
The word's all over town
Ojatex is going down.
"Please Boss one more chance."
I'll swear off the Z-Rock dance.

Your Obediant Servant,
Ojatex (Reformed & Repentant)
>>

To demonztrate onze again zat he'z worzy of our infinite truzt, Zir Ojatex, reformed Jr. CEO, prezented me wiz hiz idea of a new motto for our beloved company, "Zilly Zpelling Corp.".
I dedicated ziz matter of tremendouz importanze a great deal of time (almozt 3 zecondz, az I recall), and I dezided to keep ze old motto, after careful deliberationz and a general voting zezzion, but I am zorry to zay zey all voted againzt (I couldn't vote againzt myzelf, zo I voted in favor, zince I am ze only auzhorized perzon wiz za right to vote in ziz fair enterprize of ourz).
But I'm going to "try" to be "zquare" wiz Zir Ojatex'z effortz looking after our company's bezt interezt, and let you guyz dezide if ziz iz really meant to be our new "Motto... [NOT!]":

"To Z or Not to Z [sayeth Hamlet on LSD]"
Ojatex
>>

... We ought to have our employeez tezted for illegal drug uze more often, don't you zink?!: "Long Live LSD!":

<<
Subj: New Motto
From: Ojatex
To: AXCEL216

Addicted

For goodness sake
Give the guy a break
Hamlet's got gentility
Even on LSD.

Ojatex
>>

... Fruztrated Zir Ojatex inziztz on claiming hiz "Zhakezpearian" mizquote iz bezt zuited az our company'z preciouz Motto (and we were zeriouzly conzidering giving Zir Ojatex za right to vote in our company).
Oh well, we'll have to reevaluate ziz cruzial dezizion, lookz like we mizjudged Zir Ojatex'z devozion toward our corporazion'z welfare): "I want My Silly M[TV]otto!":

<<
Subj: New Motto II
From: Ojatex
To: AXCEL216

Axcel216,

Of course I vote for Hamlet
But you won't count my ballot
The Boss always gets his way
We minions have no say.

Ojatex
>>

Zir Ojatex almozt zertain had a better offer from za competition (now zat hiz zo-called "motto" waz rejected), and wantz to bail out. Of courze our prozperouz "Zilly Zpelling" enterprize will zurvive any evil attackz enviouz competition will zrow at uz ('cauze zuccezz iz not for everyone, ya know).
Here I zubmit to you Zir Ojatex'z "Panic in The Upper Ranks!" latezt epiztole:

<<
Subj: Bankruptcy Court?
From: Ojatex
To: AXCEL216

Temptation

Liquidity Crises

Have you heard the latest stink?
Guess who made the clink!
From the auditor's report
The books came up quite short.
It's the same old sad song
The profits are all gone.
The cash went out the door
And Axcel is quite sore.
Is Chapter Eleven our fate?
This company was so great.
A Three Eighty Six you'll share
The bank account's gone bare.
That MMX machine?
Is just a distant dream.
That new Gateway for which you fell?
You'll get a recycled Packard Bell.
The coloured printer's gone blank
There's no more ink for the tank.
And those free floppies that we get
Must be erased for our data-set.
The company paid lunch is out
Farewell expense account.
We have to save the Boss
Or we will be back in DOS.
Maybe new stock we can sell
To avoid the fiscal death knell.
New Equity we need
In order to suceed.
See if your broker's home
And get him on the phone.
Get all the change that's spare
Just buy a corporate share.
And the coffers we will fill
There'll be money in Axcel's til.
He's on the comeback trail
While Ojatex sits in jail.
Pleading by E-mail
For help with making bail.

Locked Up, Ojatex | [#288077159]
>>

... Even if we would have clozed our eyez and have not tezted our emplyeez for drugz lazt monz, za Fedz are not zo forgiving. Poor Ojatex managed to get locked up ziz time (and I keep repeating ziz: drugz are not good for your healz!): "Ojatex's Diary from Alcatraz":

<<
Subj: A Trip to Europe
From: Ojatex
To: AXCEL216

From Jail

AXCEL216, P.I.

Although it's a little known truth
Axcel is a Super Sleuth.
He uncovers clever fakes
And Secret Codes he breaks.
So it shouldn't be too long
'Til he finds where the cash has gone.
He could smell a dirty rat
So he put on his Sherlock hat.
When his old hard drive did crash
He rescued it from the trash.
A virus had brought it down
Sent by that Ojatex clown.
With Axcel's computer tricks
The clusters he would fix.
Although it took a while
He found the secret file.
A sickness it had spread
To make his computer dead.
He would make it very sure
To find the proper cure.
Now all is as it should
The drive is running good.
Something else was discovered
When the virus was uncovered.
Strange numbers lying around
Was the clue that Axcel found.
What did these digits mean?
Were they part of Ojatex's scheme?
Axcel worked very late
Then checked the file's date.
It was made just before
Ojatex had robbed the store.
Then to Zurich the thief had gone
And did his deed's so wrong.
The numbers hold the key
To where the cash may be.
Then Axcel did exclaim
"I know your crooked game.
You dirty rotten lout
It's a Swiss Bank Account!"
My missing cash is there
I'll need to raise air fare.
I'll hock my Pentium chip
Then take a little trip.
This may take some time
I'll have to go Offline.
Maybe it's just as well
I'm in debt to AOL.
Mr. Case can you please wait?
My payments have been late.
To Switzerland I'll go
And get my missing dough.
I WILL BE RICH AGAIN
AND OJATEX'S IN THE PEN!

{Meanwhile Ojatex sits in jail
No one will pay the bail
He will take it on the lam
He's got a brand new scam.
Just what has he got?
It is a fiendish plot.
To smash Axcel's new Hard-Drive
It's the latest thing alive.
So Ojatex takes a vow
To the Boss he will not cow.
That 5 gig Megabyte wonder
He will render it asunder
And make old Axcel wail
The new plot must not fail.
From that Evil mind
The plan does now unwind
When the Boss is leaving town
His computer will go down.
Will Ojatex this time prevail
In this nefarious tale?}

Ojatex
>>

AND ALL ZA CREDITZ GO 2:

Original Poetry & Graphic Art by Ojatex, © [ztill Jr. CEO of "Za Zilly Zpelling Corp."].
[ Boy, ziz guy iz REALLY good! ]
... And who elze... Zinzerely yourz,
AXCEL216, Founder, Prezzident, CEO AND General Manager of "Za Zilly Zpelling Corp."
[What were you zinking, I couldn't truzt anybody elze to do ziz exztremely "tuff" job.]
... And of courze all our ©rightz are rezerved, az iz "Za 'Z' ®Trademark"!

EXTREME CAUTION: We want to make this page interactive. So if you'd like to have your own original funny stories, poetry, pics posted here, especially if you have ideas, and/or want to take sides in this "never ending Axcel216 <-> Ojatex dispute of Good versus Evil", we urge you to e-mail your creations, comments, suggestions to AXCEL216, and we'll consider publishing your work, if suited for this page purpose.
NOTE: Author copyrights will be strictly kept for all posted materials.

... Zat'z it for now. Ze END.
More 2 come, zo ztay tuned...