U No U R (yoU kNow
yoU aRe) A Computer/Internet Addict When...
You refer to going to the bathroom as "downloading".
Your
favorite bookmarks take 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in them.
Your day dreaming is resumed to getting a faster Internet connection: Cable, DSL, T1, T3...
You turn off your
modem with an awful empty feeling... like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You think in bps rather than mph when you hear or read about "speed".
You start introducing yourself as "Jim B at WhyNet dot com".
You begin
every conversation with "I have read on the net that...".
You replace your answering machine outgoing message with: "Please leave your e-mail, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible".
You try to enter your online password
on your microwave keypad.
You believe the proper way to smile is tilting your head sideways... :-)
You figured out
the cheapest way to shop: ordering from the Internet.
You forget how to use real money because you are using your credit card every day for online purchases.
You consider that 3-4 days ground mail delivery is way too
slow, so you always select the "overnight" option.
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new web site address in print or on TV.
You step out of your room, realize your loved ones moved out and
you don't have a clue when that happened.
You turn on the intercom whenever leaving your room so you can hear when you get new e-mail.
All your friends have an "@" or "#" in their names.
When looking at a page full of
someone else's links they are already all highlighted in purple.
Your favorite pet has its own web site, and so does your 3 months old baby.
You cannot stay in touch with your family because they do not have e-mail.
You
cannot call your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
You check your e-mail. It says "No new messages". So you check it again... and again...
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your work
assignment in HTML and give your boss the URL.
You don't know the sex of your 3 best friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you've never asked.
You have ended friendships because of irreconcilable differences of
opinion arguing over which is better... Windows or Linux.
You know the entire layout of most computing show rooms but you are unable to give anyone directions in your own
home town.
You name your pets using initials and acronyms.
You wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
and stop to check your e-mail on your way back to bed.
You tell your kids they can't use the computer because "daddy's got
work to do" but you don't even have a job.
You have more toys than all your kids put together.
You buy a "Captain Kirk"
chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
You get a body tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Firefox".
You
never have to deal with busy signals when dialing your ISP because you never log off.
You ask the plumber how much it
would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet seat.
You need 3 fans just to cool your
phone line.
You list all your ISP/ICQ/IRC user IDs as nicknames on your resume.
You send an AOL trial membership as
birthday gift to your friend who just moved out of state.
You look for a "Shut down" screen menu to turn off your
TV.
You pick up the phone to talk to your mom and all you hear is static-like, crackling sounds.
You got a second phone
line and then you tell your friends to call your "voice mail" number.
You call the AOL 800 number to ask for another promo
floppy and use it to backup your "vital downloads".
You always thought the term "CD" meant solely "Compact Disc".
You
order your pizza at pizzahut.com.
You program your computer to call your pager when new e-mail arrives.
You log on to
wikipedia.org to read the definition of every new term.
You order "computer specific" eyeglasses.
You haven't found a
tech support representative who can answer any of your computing related questions.
You stay on the Internet long enough
to have your ISP offer you a corporate account.
You have memorized all your favorite computer store phone numbers.
Your
IQ number is larger than your weight.
Your wristwatch has more buttons than your telephone.
You keep asking yourself
why they never let you choose the music at dancing parties.
You try to pick up a girl at the bar by asking for her e-mail
address.
Your pickup line ends with "can we meet again... online?"
The last girl you picked up was a JPEG.
You kiss
your girlfriend's home page.
You are convinced web surfing is better than sex.
You buy your fiancee's engagement ring
online.
You have "met" your wife online.
Your wife (for the 99th time): "Are you coming to bed tonight?" You: "Just
a minute honey, I gotta finish downloading this last file."
Your wife draped a blond wig over your monitor to remind you
of what she looks like.
Your wife has to send you e-mail to call you to dinner.
Your return home with a bunch of mouse
pads when your wife asks you to buy minipads.
You remember all your Internet passwords but not your wife's
birthday.
Your wife sounds like the AOL voice reminding you that "You've got mail!".
You never miss an online chat
appointment.
You keep a busy schedule: • 1:00pm = check e-mail • 2:00pm
= business meeting downtown • 3:00pm = check e-mail • 4:00pm = call
mom • 5:00pm = check e-mail • 6:00pm = pick up Jimmy Jr. from karate
school • 7:00pm = check e-mail • 8:00pm = get the
groceries • 9:00pm = check e-mail...
Your motto is "If you can't find it on the Net it doesn't exist!"
Your favorite t-shirt says "Once a
Netizen, 4 ever a Netizen!"
Your favorite cigarettes are Koolnet.
Your favorite morning paper section is "Computing Ads".
Your favorite TV show is "Internet News".
Your favorite movie is "The Net".
Your favorite
restaurant is the closest cyber-cafe.
Your favorite expression is BTW (By The Way).
Your favorite famous person is Bill Gates.
Your favorite cartoon character is "Jimmy The Nerd".
Your
favorite magazine is "Net Surfer".
Wikipedia is your bible.
You created a new home page to tell the world that "I'm a
computing professional and hold a junior position at the University of The North Pole, the computing research
department".
You hate Microsoft.
You are a Mozilla (Firefox) fan.
Your computer keeps crashing... and crashing...
but you still insist on testing every new beta software ever written.
You consider that the "Blue Screen Of Death" (BSOD)
is the worst tragedy human kind ever experienced.
You finally figured out the ultimate in courtesy greeting: the
"three-finger-salute" (Ctrl-Alt-Del).
Online privacy is your main concern.
You send flaming e-mail to everybody who
"tortures" your favorite cartoon character at their web site(s).
The hair on your back stands up whenever you read/hear
"This new technology will boost Internet speed".
You consider that someone who doesn't have an ICQ ID is not a normal
person.
Your monitor is covered with zillion sticky notes with all your online passwords.
You keep having this weird
dream that you are strapped on to your toilet
seat, eat and drink through a permanent intravenous catheter,
and surf the net, all at the same time.
You donate all your underwear to Goodwill 'cause you need the drawers for storing disks of downloaded files.
You keep finding stray diskettes
in the pockets when you wash your clothes.
You gotta have that new computer based in-house alarm system you've seen advertised on the net.
Your living room main spot is taken by your computer
"corner".
You use your computer to update your monthly checkbook and credit cards balance.
You do your taxes online.
You do all your research on the Internet.
You ask your cable company
to send you the online version of the TV schedule.
You look for a phonebook with an e-mail address dedicated column.
You have replaced Microsoft Notepad with your web browser.
You think
that everybody who doesn't know the meaning of CPU, BIOS, RAM or WWW is an ignorant.
You actually know the purpose of all your miniature
screw drivers.
You really hate people with the lastest computer hardware/software.
You paid more for your laptop than
you did for your car.
You must bring over your "trusty" laptop, even if going camping.
You rotate your screen savers
more frequently than your car tires.
You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
You type your IP
address on your driver's license application.
You send your new home site URL to all your friends and family and ask them
to make it their browser default home page.
You start signing all your holiday cards by adding ":-)"
next to your name.
You were part of the first line at your local computer store to get Windows 95 the day it was released.
You hate
web sites that don't have a "talk-back button".
The coolest thing you've ever seen is a Java applet.
You are still on
the look for the coolest animated GIF to plaster all over your home page.
You can't sleep until your home page gets the
"Cool Web Site of The Week" award.
You are the newly elected president of the "Web Designers' Club".
You are a senior
member of every "Virtual Society".
You have to subscribe to every new "Internet Comunity".
You reserve more free web
space for your "expanding" home site.
Your coffee mug reads "You're looking at a net work-o-holic, baby".
You stop
buying the newspaper and start reading the news at www.cnn.com.
You never miss your favorite web browser latest upgrade
release.
You praise Stay Connected as the best software ever written.
You see yourself as an experienced
computer/Internet user.
You are considered the "resident computer expert" by all your friends, neighbors and
coworkers.
You send your home site URL to all popular web search engines once a month.
You think all web sites with
"Under construction" signs are lousy.
You wake up every morning wondering if you replied to all your e-mail before you
went to bed.
You keep a flashlite next to your computer so you can check your e-mail/surf in the middle of the nite
without turning on the lites.
You actually surf all 740,173 hits Google returns in response to your search.
You spend
all afternoon reading your browser's Cache 'cause your ISP is down.
You download MP3s of songs you always hated.
You
are talking on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to at the same time.
You always think of
checking your e-mail during TV commercials.
You can never watch an entire TV show without having your computer scream
"You've got mail!".
You catch yourself saying LOL, BRB, OMG...
You "ping" your friends' computers to see if they are
awake and "finger" them to find out how they are.
Your CC: list is longer than the actual content of your e-mail
message.
You're getting hungry... but "Wait... [you think] this pizza is only 3 days old... I won't have to leave my
computer yet!"
You always ask for the closest seat to a phone line jack when you book a plane ticket.
When asked what
you did for fun on your Tahiti cruise, you answer "Checking e-mail on my new laptop, hooked up to their cool satellite
dish".
